This is the reason why social media is so dangerous

I was never one to question my life choices. Everything I did was well thought out. I was always someone who marched to the beat of my own drum. I never cared about trends or trying to fit in. My style has always been simple and effortless. I certainly have never compared myself to someone to the point where I felt the need to change who I am or how I lived my life.

But at some point, I found myself speeding on a highway to hell. Trying to change the essence of who I was. The vehicle? Instagram. 

Social media is dangerous. And trust me, I’ve tried really hard to not have this opinion. While there are great things about social media, those things don’t outshine the dangers. And the danger isn’t solely because of the comparison traps or the wishful thinking that lead to existential dread. Social media, Instagram in particular, is like a self-help guide gone terribly wrong. 

Instagram does not carry the answers to life’s mysteries and yet, I’d keep coming back to look (no, scroll) all day, every single day. An endless treasure hunt. 

I was in college when Instagram first became popular. It was mostly just sharing selfies and photos of what you ate for breakfast. Pretty innocent and fun. You’d scroll until you were up-to-date on the latest meals eaten by your friends and family. Maybe you ventured over to Facebook to find out that many of your high school friends were closet racists so you’d close out of it in disgust. And then you went on with your day. 

You know you’re not addicted to something when you can put it down for hours or days at a time and completely forget about it. That’s how Instagram once felt. I didn’t make choices based on how they would be perceived on Instagram. I didn’t feel like I had to be anyone other than me. I was enough.

Do you remember the first time you looked at social media and felt like you may not be enough? Like you needed to be doing more?

I do. I was feeling particularly down about my body image. I was seeing images and videos of women on Instagram who were fit and strong. They had flat stomachs and toned bodies. They’d post videos of their workouts, making them look effortless and tell their followers (me) to follow along. They’d post healthy recipes and tell folks that they eat clean and maybe had one cheat day per week.

Because I didn’t feel so hot and didn’t know what to do, I thought to myself: “If I do what she’s doing, I’ll look like her. That would be amazing. I’ll be so happy!” 

So, I tried various Instagram fitness influencer workouts and tried to eat healthy. I would wake up at 4:45am to workout because that’s what they were doing (Lord, save me from myself). I ate the oatmeal with protein powder (if you think this tastes good, you’re a liar), skipped the carbs, drank SO MUCH WATER,  tried to meal prep, etc. etc. etc. And guess what?

I was incredibly unhappy and I felt like I looked the same as I did before. Not to mention, I was peeing nonstop. What the heck? So I did what many of us would do – I gave up. Mind you, this happened over the course of about 3 years. Damn.

Eventually, I found the actual, factual GYM. And with the help of a trainer, I discovered that lifting weights and eating enough food was how I could change my body composition, rather than doing random workouts from Instagram and feeling sad because I didn’t find them as easy as the Influencers made them look. So, I went down that path and found joy. Whoop, whoop! But then, I suddenly felt like I needed to start a business.

Like, I don’t know where this all came from. I found myself immersed in business influencer content on Instagram. You know the kind: 

“Find your freedom! This is your sign!” 

“Stop building other people’s dreams!!!”

“Working a 9-5 is soul crushing! Do something meaningful instead!” 

“I started a business online and found my sole purpose in life. You should too!!”

“Start a business and all of your problems will go away! Buy my course!!!!”

I said, “Oh shit, I’m working a 9-5! I guess it does kinda suck? Okay, let’s start a business!” Meanwhile, I have never even remotely once considered this. Not because I didn’t believe in myself or think it was possible (I watched my mom build and run her own business growing up), but because it simply wasn’t something I wanted. But, when Instagram tells you to jump…

I had already started a blog (for funsies) and decided I’d start a writing business and write blogs for people. No, wait; a COPYWRITING business. Because I learned on Instagram (and Google) that copywriting would make me so much more money. I bought a $2,000 copywriting course and was off to the races. I bought another $500 marketing course. I built a website and cold emailed for clients and tried to make content around my business. 

Additionally, I convinced myself that the career I worked and prayed for was not for me. I convinced myself that being a writer, *ahem* a copywriter, was it. My answer. And, I decided this business wasn’t just going to be a side hustle, but that I would turn my side hustle into “full-time freedom!” Because, well, that’s what folks were doing on social media. 

But guess what? I did not get paying clients and I was a ball of resistance. I didn’t want this, but was trying to convince myself I did. I ended up confused and questioning every life choice I’ve ever made. I began to spiral into self-doubt. I told myself I should not have chosen a career in healthcare. That I should have gone to school for journalism or something. Maybe THEN, would I have been more successful.

After that, I went into a full-on quarter life crisis full of existential dread. I was consuming content on Instagram of people who had found their dream careers and seemed to be rolling in dough and success. Astrophysicists, artists, writers, dancers, musicians, travel bloggers, nurses, the list goes on. I decided it was a good idea to try these all on for size – in my mind. I thought of what it would be like to be an astrophysicist because I have an interest in space, but there was no way in hell I was going back to school. I thought of being a fine artist, but then remembered that I got check-minuses on my art homework in middle school. I thought, “Hey! I love travel, let’s see what it would be like to be a digital nomad.” Yeah, no; I like having a home.

I begged myself for an answer to the question of “what do I want to do in life?” I tried to combine all of my interests into one neatly packaged career: “I know! I’ll be a writer who writes about space from a health perspective. Oh wait, how do I fit travel in there? SPACE TRAVEL HEALTH WRITER!” As you may imagine, this did not clear up my confusion. 

But I trudged along. I decided (again) that I was going to do writing alongside my 9-5. Because I watched a YouTube video of someone’s day-in-the-life showing them working their 9-5 then working on their 5-9. The thought of that was exhausting. And also, do people not rest or run errands in between their 9-5s and 5-9s? But ol’ girl on YouTube made it look so easy! Eventually, I grew frustrated with myself for being tired and choosing to chill out after a long day at work instead of “cHaSiNg mY dReAmS.” 

I’ve managed to pull myself out of this slump and realize just how dangerous social media can be. Not because it’s inherently dangerous or because its creators are evil (well, that’s still up for debate). And not because influencers are out to get us. 

Social media is dangerous because people don’t know themselves or what they want in life. Myself included. And being addicted to social media means allowing it to steer you in every direction. 

I thought back to a time when I was able to focus on school while scrolling on social media because I knew I was working toward something that came from inside of me. I didn’t look at people on the Internet and think that I needed to change course. But once I was “there,” I no longer had anything to work towards and I became passive and pretty much lived at the whims of strangers on the Internet. 

If this is you, know that you’re not alone (and please, tell me I’m not alone lol). You may even be thinking, “Melina, I make my own choices and only use social media as inspiration.”

It’s one thing to look at social media from the lens of inspiration and seeing what’s possible. It’s a whole other story to look at social media as the blueprint and instructions for how to live and work. I was way past the inspiration phase and full-on trying to implement others’ decisions into my own life. And I wondered why I was always stressed and not feeling the joy and excitement that people on Instagram seemed to feel.

It wasn’t until I started to learn about myself and more importantly, BE myself, that I got more grounded and was able to sift through my Instagram feed without feeling like I needed to take action in my own life based on what I saw. I got really clear on what I really want in life and how I could get there in a way that feels good FOR ME.

I always thought the answer to avoiding the danger of social media was to avoid social media altogether. But the answer really is knowing yourself and knowing what YOUR goals and dreams are. And understanding that Instagram (and the Internet at large) isn’t the magic treasure chest of shortcuts to get there. The only shortcut in your life is your own path. When you try to substitute your path with someone else’s, frustration and resistance sets in.

So if you’ve been feeling this underlying pressure and anxiety in your life because of what you’re seeing on the Internet, consider taking some time to figure yourself out. What do you want? What path can you take to get there that feels good for you? Note that these answers take time to surface and you may need to keep asking yourself in different ways. 

Social media and the Internet is full of information and inspiration. But what it does not have is instructions – personalized instructions on how YOU should live YOUR life. Those can only come from within us. We live in a strange world. I’ve come to learn that the best defense in this world is to know myself and be myself. 

So get to know yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself.

XX,

Melina Renee